I am supposed to be writing a paper right now but somehow while looking for sources for my research paper I managed to open up my blog randomly. I haven’t been on here or posted for months. Probably because I have been so busy with university or I don’t know maybe… to be completely honest maybe I just got bored of my blog.
I don’t normally do posts like this on my blog sharing my feelings but it does not really matter… I am having trouble writing my paper since I just have too many thoughts. I can’t seem to be able to focus. I know I don’t have much time left to finish it (247/1,500 words) but I just need somewhere to share how I feel. I never share my feelings with anybody, not that I don’t have anyone it is just I don’t really like to talk. I hate talking about how I feel…but at the same time bottling up my feelings is not going to help. It most definitely makes everything worse.
That is my problem I never speak. It might not seem like a big deal to some people but for me it is different. It is just hard. It is hard to talk. I am scared of it. Why? I have no idea maybe I feel like people will judge me. It is really hard to say what’s on your mind when you are too afraid to open your mouth in the first place and it just leaves you feeling horrible inside. I feel like I have lost a lot of opportunities in my life just because I was too scared to open my mouth and I am sure I won’t be as successful and happy as I want to be if I don’t make a change. It is really hard to say what’s on your mind when you are too afraid to open your mouth in the first place. I am just tired of this.
When I turned 20 I wrote a post listing 20 goals I have before turning 21 in January. Looking back at it I realized that I was able to achieve most of those goals. I have not completed each one completely but I am getting there. Seeing that I was able to at least achieve that much gives me hope to keep going. I feel like writing down a goal and having it somewhere where you always look really helps. This is why tonight I am going to make a new goal for myself which I am hopeful that I will 100% achieve. My goal is to not be afraid to talk. It is time I made a change and started to live my life without being afraid. Who cares what anyone thinks. I just have to be myself if I want to be happy. 🙂
If anyone actually read this far thank you for reading my thoughts. Now that my mind is clear I should go back to actually writing my paper for tomorrow!